The Great Pull-Up War: 3rd Inning

3rd Inning Rules:

• 3 attempts
• 5 minutes of rest between attempts
• Hold: Jugs

We were looking forward to using holds other than jugs for this one, but my injury (detailed in the previous post) made me a bit wary. I didn't really think I would make up so much ground, but there you have it! No pictures of the proceedings this time, sorry (besides, how many cool pictures can you take of a dude hanging from huge holds anyway?).

During this Inning, I performed more pull-ups in one attempt than ever before: twenty-eight. It looks more impressive when you write it out, right?

Because I'm still easing back into climbing after my injury, I don't want to do any real hangboard work. I know that competitions strictly involving pulling on jugs can get boring, so The Great Pull-Up War has to go on hold until I feel completely comfortable. I'm probably being overly cautious here, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Thank goodness we still have a lot of summer left!

Don't worry, OGDV. I haven't forgotten about you, homie.

The Grunx: Revenge of The Grunx (Part Two)

DAY ONE

The day following the events related in Revenge of The Grunx Part One, Miss Lady and I arrived in The Grunx, ready to cut some boulder problems down to size. We decided to warm up on something neither of us had tried before: Rock Star, v1. This turned out to be a poor idea!

No lie, I downclimbed this melon-farming problem (go watch Die Hard: With a Vengeance on network television, you'll understand) twice because I was scared. TWICE! A v1! I did send the melon-farming thing, though.

From there, we went to Miss Lady's long-standing project: Baby Hole, v3. This thing had been plaguing her for a very, very long time. Had been! Here's the story:

It was amazing. After floundering on one move for so long, she decided to just throw farther--past the move she couldn't do--in order to send the problem. Completely unexpected. Completely awesome.

After that, I fell off the last move of the Enlightened Buddha, v9. GO ME! However, I can do all the moves now, so the send is inevitable.


DAY TWO

The next day, we visited another section of The Grunx, the Near Trapps. It was a good day. It was Miss Lady's turn to climb a scary high problem (Hidden Orange Variation, v1) and she didn't disappoint! I climbed a bunch of stuff. It was rad. Miss Lady sent yet another v3: Before My Time, the standing start to Out of the Ashes, v6. This next picture is not of that problem (or of her), but it's one of the only ones we took.

I think a fin is growing out of my neck. Would someone take me to the hospital?

DAY THREE

By the third day, we were both completely exhausted. Luckily, The Captain was there to raise our spirits! The Captain is a legend of Grunx bouldering, having been there in the early, heady days. His deep stores of knowledge have helped us out many a time!

On the left is The Captain. He is a powerhouse.

We went to Peter's Kill, yet another area in The Grunx. The climbing was hard. I was, at this point, destroyed. You see, going into the weekend, I knew that I was injured. I could climb without pain, but something just didn't feel right. After three days of climbing, I felt great!

. . . Until we came home. I tried to climb a couple of days after that, and things were not good. I knew I had to shut it down for a while. So, that's where I've been: on the DL with a mysterious finger injury. After two weeks of rest, I think it's set to go. I'm easing back into climbing, and it feels fine. Keep your fingers crossed.


NEW SENDS LIST:

Miss Lady:

• Baby Hole, v3
• Before My Time, v3
• Hidden Orange Variation, v1
• Outbreak Roof, v1

Me:

• The Hop, v7
• Waiting for the Messiah, v7
• Cream Cheese, v6
• Out of the Ashes, v6
• Little Women in a Small World, v6 v4 (. . . so not v6)
• Loner Boner, v3
• Rock Star, v1
• Throw Him a Bone, v1

THE RECKONING: A Midsummer Night's Update

Okay. We've already seen that THE JESUS has accomplished his Summer of Strong goal, and Sandmaster Flash is throwing down on the trad routes out west. What you don't know is that Steppin' Razor is slicing through her limits like so many flimsy origami swans. One of Miss Lady's good friends, Steppin' Razor has crushed Phoebe, which goes at 5.10b. Fantastic work!


Goals for the Summer of Strong:

OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE JESUS: V4 (The Lorax) ✔
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead, V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero: V10 ✔/V11 (Soulshine ✔, Year of the Cat, TBD)
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR ✔,  HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Sandmaster Flash: 5.9 ✔/5.10 trad (Escape Artist), 5.11 sport, boulder something hard
Lil' Miss Thunderbolt: V3, sport outside
D BIGGS: V9, 5.12d sport
Me: V9


Tomorrow: The Grunx Strikes Back! Revenge of the Grunx Part Two, starring Miss Lady, yours truly, and . . . The Captain?!?

Thursday: The Great Pull-up War: 3rd Inning!

The Grunx: Revenge of The Grunx (Part One)

I'd like to preface this post with this: I am the worst updater ever. My apologies.

Phew! Glad that's over! Now, to the meat!

To celebrate the birth of our great nation, several mighty men and women attacked The Grunx with a cot-damn vengeance. For starters, D BIGGS absolutely DEVASTATED A New Pair of Glasses, v7:

Forty-two weak-ass pansy baby sissies were facewrecked in the making of this picture.

Not to be outdone, THE TEEG decided to do some getting big of his own. The man has some unorthodox ideas about warming up:

Nothing I could write here would make this more awesome.

After the warmup, THE TEEG sunk his fangs into his Summer of Strong project, The Lorax, v4.

THE TEEG is so strong he makes that hold look good.

Naturally, The Lorax was conquered! I've seen THE TEEG in the gym all summer. Dude's been working hard, and he totally deserves all the awesomeness he has achieved. With this send, he has, er, ascended! He is no longer THE TEEG; he is now . . .

. . . THE JESUS.

Yeah. That's frickin' awesome. There was a lot more climbing done by this illustrious group that weekend, but here are a couple more highlights:

The Jesus throwing on the Gill Egg, v4

Raygun being an animal on The Lorax, v4

Ziggy Smalls helping the Next Great One crimp all over Boxcar Arete, v8

We part ways with this: the Excellence Czar conquering Andrew Leap (or Jump, or something), v2.

If only I had added a couple of explosions to go with that cheesy slo-mo. I'd be the next Michael Bay!

Next time: THE RECKONING!

After that: The other story from this weekend, including information on where the hell I've been for so long, as well as a send long in the making by Miss Lady!

Photo credits: THE JESUS and Raygun on The Lorax - Dustin Briggs, a.k.a. D BIGGS
All remaining photos: Danielle Vennard, a.k.a. Ziggy Smalls

Candy Report: Sandmaster Flash

From the glorious world of Colorado trad climbing comes a candy report from our very own Andrew, a.k.a. Sandmaster Flash! Here, in his own words, he recounts a tale of ultimate victory:

Well the Summer of Strong kicked into high gear last week. Trad Climbing is in full effect and I am gaining my confidence, uh oh!

Sidenote: Trad climbing is just like Ze Frank's song "how do you work this thing." the full lyrics are below for effect purpose...

How do you work this thing?
How do you work this thing?
I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried
But how do you work this thing?
Maybe you pull this pin.
Maybe you pull this pin.
I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried
But how do you work this thing?
Maybe you plug it in.
Maybe you plug it in.
I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried
But how do you work this thing?

So true right? for both gear placement and the crazy ways you jam your body parts into cracks.

Ok, Back on task....
Last week I took a trip to Colorado National Monument to climb Independence Monument. Leading a desert tower has been a lifetime goal for me, even beyond my summer goals, so I was stoked! I lead the 5.9 in four pitches. Had to protect some crux moves with tricams in pockets which was new to me. tricams...crazy right? (Shout out to EMS for that comp giveaway.) Most of the route was in the shade since it was on the north face which was crucial in summer desert heat! The top of the tower was to big I could have parked my semi-truck that I drive from crag to crag to gain attention.

Next day we drove to the Black Canyon National Park also in CO. This was my second time there and the Black is known to be stiff. Last month I traded of leads with my partner Hunter on Maiden Voyage 5.9 I believe we did it in 5 pitches. This time out I lead the entire 5.8 Casual/5.9 Off casual route (I include both since we got a bit off route crux times) in about 6 pitches and way too many hours.

Don't worry I am still dreaming of working some glorious boulders soon.

This photo epitomizes manliness.

Congratulations, Andrew! May you crush more awesome climbs in the near future.

Of course, this means that a Reckoning Update is coming soon, yes? Indeed it does. However, I must gather more intel from our compatriots who ventured to The Grunx last weekend before I tell the tale!

Mmm . . . Delicious baseballs . . .

Some of you may know that this blarg has pretty much adopted the Třebíč Nuclears as our official Czech Republic baseball team. After all, we use the Nuclears' scoreboard to keep track of The Great Pull-Up War.

However, there is now a challenger to the throne: the Cannibals, hailing from Šumperk. First of all, naming your baseball team after people who feast on human flesh takes some serious moxie. Second, look at this freaking hat!

Tell me you wouldn't wear a hat with that logo. Go ahead. Try. I'll give you some time.





Did you fail? Of course you did. You cannot make that statement.

I want to buy this hat. I have tried to find out approximately how much it will cost to send this hat from the Czech Republic to my house. Sadly, my research tells me that it will cost two hundred American dollars! This can't be right, can it? The hat itself costs about $7.20! I'm going to email the person in charge of the shop to find out what I can do. Google Translate is my friend!


In actual climbing news, Miss Lady and I are going to take a little trip this weekend. It's going to be completely awesome. All the details when we return.

The Great Pull-Up War: 2nd Inning

2nd Inning Rules:

• Time Limit: 2 minutes
• Attempt Limit: 3 attempts
• Hold: 45° Slopers
• Competitors in isolation

As you can see from the scoreboard above, my prediction at the end of the last Great Pull-Up War post was entirely accurate. OGDV trounced me rather soundly this round.

We agreed to attempt to do all our pulls on the 45° angle slopers; this turned out to be a tactical mistake on my part. I was unable to get any sort of rhythm going, as I was constantly fighting just to stay on the holds.

A simple task, this ain't.

OGDV, however, took to the slopers rather nicely. Compared to my measly FOUR on my first attempt, my rival managed to crank out a ridiculous NINETEEN. How he managed to do that many without sliding from those slick monstrosities is a question for the ages. He got downright animalistic on those holds.

What you see here is a creature of pure friction.

The most worrying thing about this inning is that it saw my lead of three transform into a hideous deficit of eight. I'm going to have to work extra hard over the next seven weeks to catch up.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2nd Inning winner, the mighty OGDV! Here he is seen in his natural habitat, dominating punk suckas and clowns for miles around (and even downtown):

Shh . . . he's centering his chakras. Or something.

OH, OGDV. LITTLE DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE DRAGON.

Photo credits:

• Baseball scoreboard (before I altered it): Jiří Sedláček
• Competition photos: Danielle Vennard a.k.a. Ziggy Smalls