The Great Pull-Up War: 3rd Inning

3rd Inning Rules:

• 3 attempts
• 5 minutes of rest between attempts
• Hold: Jugs

We were looking forward to using holds other than jugs for this one, but my injury (detailed in the previous post) made me a bit wary. I didn't really think I would make up so much ground, but there you have it! No pictures of the proceedings this time, sorry (besides, how many cool pictures can you take of a dude hanging from huge holds anyway?).

During this Inning, I performed more pull-ups in one attempt than ever before: twenty-eight. It looks more impressive when you write it out, right?

Because I'm still easing back into climbing after my injury, I don't want to do any real hangboard work. I know that competitions strictly involving pulling on jugs can get boring, so The Great Pull-Up War has to go on hold until I feel completely comfortable. I'm probably being overly cautious here, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Thank goodness we still have a lot of summer left!

Don't worry, OGDV. I haven't forgotten about you, homie.

The Grunx: Revenge of The Grunx (Part Two)

DAY ONE

The day following the events related in Revenge of The Grunx Part One, Miss Lady and I arrived in The Grunx, ready to cut some boulder problems down to size. We decided to warm up on something neither of us had tried before: Rock Star, v1. This turned out to be a poor idea!

No lie, I downclimbed this melon-farming problem (go watch Die Hard: With a Vengeance on network television, you'll understand) twice because I was scared. TWICE! A v1! I did send the melon-farming thing, though.

From there, we went to Miss Lady's long-standing project: Baby Hole, v3. This thing had been plaguing her for a very, very long time. Had been! Here's the story:

It was amazing. After floundering on one move for so long, she decided to just throw farther--past the move she couldn't do--in order to send the problem. Completely unexpected. Completely awesome.

After that, I fell off the last move of the Enlightened Buddha, v9. GO ME! However, I can do all the moves now, so the send is inevitable.


DAY TWO

The next day, we visited another section of The Grunx, the Near Trapps. It was a good day. It was Miss Lady's turn to climb a scary high problem (Hidden Orange Variation, v1) and she didn't disappoint! I climbed a bunch of stuff. It was rad. Miss Lady sent yet another v3: Before My Time, the standing start to Out of the Ashes, v6. This next picture is not of that problem (or of her), but it's one of the only ones we took.

I think a fin is growing out of my neck. Would someone take me to the hospital?

DAY THREE

By the third day, we were both completely exhausted. Luckily, The Captain was there to raise our spirits! The Captain is a legend of Grunx bouldering, having been there in the early, heady days. His deep stores of knowledge have helped us out many a time!

On the left is The Captain. He is a powerhouse.

We went to Peter's Kill, yet another area in The Grunx. The climbing was hard. I was, at this point, destroyed. You see, going into the weekend, I knew that I was injured. I could climb without pain, but something just didn't feel right. After three days of climbing, I felt great!

. . . Until we came home. I tried to climb a couple of days after that, and things were not good. I knew I had to shut it down for a while. So, that's where I've been: on the DL with a mysterious finger injury. After two weeks of rest, I think it's set to go. I'm easing back into climbing, and it feels fine. Keep your fingers crossed.


NEW SENDS LIST:

Miss Lady:

• Baby Hole, v3
• Before My Time, v3
• Hidden Orange Variation, v1
• Outbreak Roof, v1

Me:

• The Hop, v7
• Waiting for the Messiah, v7
• Cream Cheese, v6
• Out of the Ashes, v6
• Little Women in a Small World, v6 v4 (. . . so not v6)
• Loner Boner, v3
• Rock Star, v1
• Throw Him a Bone, v1

THE RECKONING: A Midsummer Night's Update

Okay. We've already seen that THE JESUS has accomplished his Summer of Strong goal, and Sandmaster Flash is throwing down on the trad routes out west. What you don't know is that Steppin' Razor is slicing through her limits like so many flimsy origami swans. One of Miss Lady's good friends, Steppin' Razor has crushed Phoebe, which goes at 5.10b. Fantastic work!


Goals for the Summer of Strong:

OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE JESUS: V4 (The Lorax) ✔
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead, V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero: V10 ✔/V11 (Soulshine ✔, Year of the Cat, TBD)
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR ✔,  HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Sandmaster Flash: 5.9 ✔/5.10 trad (Escape Artist), 5.11 sport, boulder something hard
Lil' Miss Thunderbolt: V3, sport outside
D BIGGS: V9, 5.12d sport
Me: V9


Tomorrow: The Grunx Strikes Back! Revenge of the Grunx Part Two, starring Miss Lady, yours truly, and . . . The Captain?!?

Thursday: The Great Pull-up War: 3rd Inning!

The Grunx: Revenge of The Grunx (Part One)

I'd like to preface this post with this: I am the worst updater ever. My apologies.

Phew! Glad that's over! Now, to the meat!

To celebrate the birth of our great nation, several mighty men and women attacked The Grunx with a cot-damn vengeance. For starters, D BIGGS absolutely DEVASTATED A New Pair of Glasses, v7:

Forty-two weak-ass pansy baby sissies were facewrecked in the making of this picture.

Not to be outdone, THE TEEG decided to do some getting big of his own. The man has some unorthodox ideas about warming up:

Nothing I could write here would make this more awesome.

After the warmup, THE TEEG sunk his fangs into his Summer of Strong project, The Lorax, v4.

THE TEEG is so strong he makes that hold look good.

Naturally, The Lorax was conquered! I've seen THE TEEG in the gym all summer. Dude's been working hard, and he totally deserves all the awesomeness he has achieved. With this send, he has, er, ascended! He is no longer THE TEEG; he is now . . .

. . . THE JESUS.

Yeah. That's frickin' awesome. There was a lot more climbing done by this illustrious group that weekend, but here are a couple more highlights:

The Jesus throwing on the Gill Egg, v4

Raygun being an animal on The Lorax, v4

Ziggy Smalls helping the Next Great One crimp all over Boxcar Arete, v8

We part ways with this: the Excellence Czar conquering Andrew Leap (or Jump, or something), v2.

If only I had added a couple of explosions to go with that cheesy slo-mo. I'd be the next Michael Bay!

Next time: THE RECKONING!

After that: The other story from this weekend, including information on where the hell I've been for so long, as well as a send long in the making by Miss Lady!

Photo credits: THE JESUS and Raygun on The Lorax - Dustin Briggs, a.k.a. D BIGGS
All remaining photos: Danielle Vennard, a.k.a. Ziggy Smalls

Candy Report: Sandmaster Flash

From the glorious world of Colorado trad climbing comes a candy report from our very own Andrew, a.k.a. Sandmaster Flash! Here, in his own words, he recounts a tale of ultimate victory:

Well the Summer of Strong kicked into high gear last week. Trad Climbing is in full effect and I am gaining my confidence, uh oh!

Sidenote: Trad climbing is just like Ze Frank's song "how do you work this thing." the full lyrics are below for effect purpose...

How do you work this thing?
How do you work this thing?
I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried
But how do you work this thing?
Maybe you pull this pin.
Maybe you pull this pin.
I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried
But how do you work this thing?
Maybe you plug it in.
Maybe you plug it in.
I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried
But how do you work this thing?

So true right? for both gear placement and the crazy ways you jam your body parts into cracks.

Ok, Back on task....
Last week I took a trip to Colorado National Monument to climb Independence Monument. Leading a desert tower has been a lifetime goal for me, even beyond my summer goals, so I was stoked! I lead the 5.9 in four pitches. Had to protect some crux moves with tricams in pockets which was new to me. tricams...crazy right? (Shout out to EMS for that comp giveaway.) Most of the route was in the shade since it was on the north face which was crucial in summer desert heat! The top of the tower was to big I could have parked my semi-truck that I drive from crag to crag to gain attention.

Next day we drove to the Black Canyon National Park also in CO. This was my second time there and the Black is known to be stiff. Last month I traded of leads with my partner Hunter on Maiden Voyage 5.9 I believe we did it in 5 pitches. This time out I lead the entire 5.8 Casual/5.9 Off casual route (I include both since we got a bit off route crux times) in about 6 pitches and way too many hours.

Don't worry I am still dreaming of working some glorious boulders soon.

This photo epitomizes manliness.

Congratulations, Andrew! May you crush more awesome climbs in the near future.

Of course, this means that a Reckoning Update is coming soon, yes? Indeed it does. However, I must gather more intel from our compatriots who ventured to The Grunx last weekend before I tell the tale!

Mmm . . . Delicious baseballs . . .

Some of you may know that this blarg has pretty much adopted the Třebíč Nuclears as our official Czech Republic baseball team. After all, we use the Nuclears' scoreboard to keep track of The Great Pull-Up War.

However, there is now a challenger to the throne: the Cannibals, hailing from Šumperk. First of all, naming your baseball team after people who feast on human flesh takes some serious moxie. Second, look at this freaking hat!

Tell me you wouldn't wear a hat with that logo. Go ahead. Try. I'll give you some time.





Did you fail? Of course you did. You cannot make that statement.

I want to buy this hat. I have tried to find out approximately how much it will cost to send this hat from the Czech Republic to my house. Sadly, my research tells me that it will cost two hundred American dollars! This can't be right, can it? The hat itself costs about $7.20! I'm going to email the person in charge of the shop to find out what I can do. Google Translate is my friend!


In actual climbing news, Miss Lady and I are going to take a little trip this weekend. It's going to be completely awesome. All the details when we return.

The Great Pull-Up War: 2nd Inning

2nd Inning Rules:

• Time Limit: 2 minutes
• Attempt Limit: 3 attempts
• Hold: 45° Slopers
• Competitors in isolation

As you can see from the scoreboard above, my prediction at the end of the last Great Pull-Up War post was entirely accurate. OGDV trounced me rather soundly this round.

We agreed to attempt to do all our pulls on the 45° angle slopers; this turned out to be a tactical mistake on my part. I was unable to get any sort of rhythm going, as I was constantly fighting just to stay on the holds.

A simple task, this ain't.

OGDV, however, took to the slopers rather nicely. Compared to my measly FOUR on my first attempt, my rival managed to crank out a ridiculous NINETEEN. How he managed to do that many without sliding from those slick monstrosities is a question for the ages. He got downright animalistic on those holds.

What you see here is a creature of pure friction.

The most worrying thing about this inning is that it saw my lead of three transform into a hideous deficit of eight. I'm going to have to work extra hard over the next seven weeks to catch up.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2nd Inning winner, the mighty OGDV! Here he is seen in his natural habitat, dominating punk suckas and clowns for miles around (and even downtown):

Shh . . . he's centering his chakras. Or something.

OH, OGDV. LITTLE DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE DRAGON.

Photo credits:

• Baseball scoreboard (before I altered it): Jiří Sedláček
• Competition photos: Danielle Vennard a.k.a. Ziggy Smalls

THE RECKONING: Update!

So, it turns out someone got big recently!

Hero has completed one of his goals for this season: Climb Soulshine (V10) at Tramway! Tramway is seriously the best place to climb. So rad. Now that he's completely stomping faces again, I'm sure that V11 is starting to come into view.

Congratulations!


Also, I'd like to welcome two more intrepid souls into the fold! Greetings, Sandmaster Flash and Lil' Miss Thunderbolt! Pull hard and get big!


(Updated) Goals for the Summer of Strong:

OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE TEEG: V4 (The Lorax)
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead, V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero: V10 ✔/V11 (Soulshine ✔, Year of the Cat, TBD)
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR, HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Sandmaster Flash: 5.9/5.10 trad (Escape Artist), 5.11 sport, boulder something hard
Lil' Miss Thunderbolt: V3, sport outside
Me: V9


As per usual, if you don't see yourself up in that list (or you just don't know who in the world you are among all those ridiculous nicknames), comment and I'll add you or clarify who you are.

OMG OMG IT'S THE SECOND DAY OF SUMMER

GO GET BIG EVERYONE HOLY CRUDBUMP

There are only like ninety-four days left!

Artist's Rendering of the Temple of Jahboo

The Grunx, Land of Mystic Beasts and Hidden Magicks

The Grunx. A region shrouded in mystery, where turning dragons do battle with wicked gods ensconced within ancient temples. The Buddha watches, unconcerned; more amusing are the pilgrims attempting to master the Art of Nothing (for how could one master such an art?). Will they find enlightenment? *

Miss Lady and I arrived in The Grunx early in the morning, and immediately began to make our way down the long road to our destiny. After warming up briefly, Miss Lady decided to attempt the Gill Egg (V4). Previous attempts had not been all that successful, but Miss Lady has been working hard, and she made progress on this day. She is now within a few inches of sticking the dyno. An attempt on the Gill Pinch Roof (V4) was thwarted due to the fact that the sun was directly overhead and looking up at the jug ledge was an exercise in pain.

From there, we made our way down to The Dragon Turns (V9). It was my turn to try to climb a hard boulder problem, but I can't say I made progress here. I still can't do the first move. A few attempts at that and it was time for lunch. We were joined by a wee chipmunk who decided to say hello; it was his lunchtime as well, so we ate as we stared at him and he stared at us. He was feisty, and not all that afraid of humans.

After lunch, it was time to attempt the Enlightened Buddha (V9). The boulder which houses the Enlightened Buddha has two other Buddha problems: the Buddha (V6) and the Illustrious Buddha (V8). I have done both of those problems, but the Enlightened version escapes me. I am now closer to the end than I ever have been, but close to the end is not enough for candy. Miss Lady was able to do the first move on the Buddha, which is quite a feat considering that last time we were in The Grunx she was unable to even get on the problem.

On the same boulder as the Buddha problems resides the Andrew Boulder Problem (V4). This is another project of Miss Lady's and, following the theme of the day, saw her making significant progress. She is two or three moves from the finish, which is about two or three moves farther than she has ever gone. From there it was on to Baby Hole (V3). Another Miss Lady project, this one did not see significant progress. If she makes the move she's stuck on, though, she will send. It is guaranteed.

Wreathed in acrid smoke, the Temple of Jahboo is a den of stinking evil. It was there that I did battle with one of the most mind-boggling problems I've been on in some time: Jahboo (V9). To send, one must enter the Temple and climb out, over treacherous talus knife blades, through the roof and over the top of the Temple itself. The talus knife blades quickly claimed skin from my back, as I fell in a spot unprotected by crash pads. Undaunted, I continued to attempt to escape the dark lord Jahboo's clammy grip, but my power was insufficient for the task. After he mercilessly toyed with me, he allowed me to slink off, beaten like a mangy dog.

Exhausted, we fled The Grunx, stopping only to devour dinner as we looked out over shining towns in the distance. We will return, more powerful, hopefully strong enough to put these gods and creatures to rest.


* Of course, this entire post is about the Shawangunk Mountains in New York, also known as The Gunks. There is a lot of awesome bouldering here. Sorry for no pictures, but it was just the two of us and we each spent most of the day spotting the other.

The Great Pull-Up War: 1st Inning

The Great Pull-Up War

Nine Weeks

Nine Innings

Nine Contests

One Winner

OGDV threw this challenge at me like a 98-mph brushback fastball: to compete each week in various feats of strength involving that most excellent of exercises, the pull-up. What type of blarg would this have become had I not accepted? The type of blarg that I would not be proud to author, that's what type. And so, it was utterly on.

The Great Pull-Up War is simple. Each week, we decide on a task. The task may be to do as many pull-ups as possible in one attempt, or it may be to do as many as possible within a time limit or a number of attempts. The task may involve several different types of holds on a hangboard, or just crankin' on some jugs. However one slices it, it involves a metric hyper-ton of pull-ups.

And so, without further ado:

1st Inning Rules:

• Time Limit: 2 minutes
• Attempt Limit: 3 attempts
• Hold: Jugs
• Competitors in isolation

The Attempt Limit is how many times a competitor is allowed to touch the hangboard or bar.
To be in isolation is to be unaware of one's opponent's performance.


The event began with a coin flip. I called the coin flip correctly, and I decided to be the first man on the hangboard. Although the attempt limit was three for this inning, I had already decided that I would only touch the hangboard twice. My plan was to do almost as many as I possibly could on the first attempt; then, I would rest until 30 seconds remained and try to bang out as many as I could in that time.

Six hundred seve . . . PSYCH! Uh . . . One

I had done at least twenty before I dropped from the hangboard. I figured that with approximately one minute of rest, I could probably complete a good number more. Unfortunately, my body had other ideas! My second attempt was not nearly as strong, and so I left the arena with some trepidation. I knew that OGDV would bring the pain, hardcore, to the brain.

OGDV had decided that he would use all three of his attempts. Would this strategy make him the victor? Well, observant readers (by "observant" I mean, "readers with eyes connected to their brains") have already seen the scoreboard at the top of the post. So, out with the poorly constructed suspense!

One of these days, he's gonna bite that lip clean off.

In the end, not even the cutest spectator ever could spur OGDV to victory.

 Put me up there, Dad. Let me show you how it's done.

  The agony of defeat.

Of course, I'm not going to gloat or anything. The score was way too close for that. I have a feeling that OGDV is going to get up ins next time with a vengeance.

I'll leave you with these images from the card the victor received:

Photo credits:

• Baseball scoreboard (before I altered it): Jiří Sedláček
• Competition photos: Danielle Vennard a.k.a. Ziggy Smalls 

Special thanks to Ziggy Smalls for the card!

The Return

We're back, bitches.

And we're better than ever.

I would rather not have left you without a dope beat to step to, but when a computer goes, there's not a lot that can be done. She was a fine compatriot for several years, but the time has come to send this little valkyrie to Computer Valhalla.

Hún var stolt mitt og skemmtan.

There is much to discuss! Unfortunately, it'll have to wait at least until I get home from climbing tonight.

In the near future:

• The Great Pull-Up War
• Training Routines: Get small to get big
• More ridiculous images

Thanks for sticking out this tough period. I hope you've continued to get big, because I've been training hard in the interim. See you on the rocks.

Pining for the Fjords

Soooo . . . you may have noticed that this blarg hasn't updated in a few days. That is because my computer has gone kablooey. The plan is to send it to Computer Valhalla, but I gotta find a viking ship first. And fjords. I may have to pine for them.

I'll probably be updating sporadically for the next week or so until I find a permanent solution to this wee problemo. However, once it IS solved, it's gonna be ON. We have to ratchet up the intensity on this climbing blarg, and it's about time that the business got big.

Not a lot of climbing news to report. Still training. Doing 4x4s at my home turf, the DRG. Lots more core training is needed. Will explain all in more detail in a later post. Ran out of complete sentences. Must. Order. More.

Feeling stronger.

Smithing the Arms, Enmightening the Heart

Yesterday, OGDV and I decided to meet at PRG Valley for a bit of the ol' plastic pullin'. Little did we know that we'd have a special guest! That's right, Drew "The Armsmith" Davis accidentally came to Valley instead of going to Oaks where he was to meet some crazy cats for the crushing. Their loss, however, was our gain! Even mind-numbing techno (usually I'm all like, "TechYES," but this stuff was pretty heinous) could not stop us from being the best. TechNONSENSE.

I didn't exactly feel very strong, and I don't think I climbed all that well, but I spent a good 4 1/2 hours there so I think I got a decent workout. While we were campusing, The Armsmith introduced me to a new exercise authored by none other than Ben Moon, climber extraordinaire. I'm gonna check out the 'net and see if I can grab some of that sweet science for you suckas.


OGDV sent me this sweet picture* in which he attempts to crush The Path (V9/10). I know we talk about plastic pullin' a lot up in this piece, but let this be a reminder as to where the truth lies: out in the wild, with bugs and stuff. Get hungry, 'cause soon it's gonna be time to EAT! Not bugs, though. Most of them taste bad.

Stop drooling. It's unbecoming.

In other news, Captain Roommate decided that he was going to get into shape over the summer. Plaudits all around. He bought a scale, and it is fancy: the thing purports to tell you your body fat percentage! Well, I got on it and . . . let's just say that I was severely disappointed with myself. It is time to lose weight! Recently, @ gave me an outline for a calisthenics workout, and it is wrecking my face. I'll be doing that around three times a week and I'll be running and riding the stationary bike. It is going to be a long way to victory, but when candy is at stake, hell hath no fury like a hungry dude.

*Photo credit: Danielle Vennard

THE RECKONING: Goals Edition

The goals have been collected. These intrepid souls have chosen their fates. Will we be relegated to the dustbin of history? Or will we prosper, our new-found strength a beacon lighting a future defined by our bigness?


Goals for the Summer of Strong:

OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE TEEG: V4 (The Lorax)
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead / V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero: V10/11 (Soulshine, Year of the Cat, TBD)
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR, HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside 
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Me: V9


What must be done has been decided. If, however, you would like to add your name to this illustrious roll, you need not do more than leave a comment. Your name and intended feat of strength shall be added to yon list up ins this piece.

It is time to train.

A Plastic Pullin' Contingent Migrates South

Team Strong decided to go to Earth Treks today. We wanted to go to the Gunks, but the weather was all busted. With no further ado . . .

WHAT UP, PEEPS sorry about the red eye

From left: DelForte, Temple of J, Electric Feeley, THE TEEG, OGDV

So yeah. We rolled pretty deep. The bouldering was intense:

SO focused.
 

 YES, I'll clean the chalk off my lens, FINE   jerks

Who's THIS goober?

Hey, you know what would be great? Pictures of roped climbing!

Oh, so THIS is roped climbing! I was wondering.

THE TEEG was, well, THE TEEG:

He can smell your fear.

Today was a long session for me (I had to get my money's worth). Naturally, after the session, it was off to the campus board to perform some of those exercises I spoke of in the last installment of Plastic Pullin'.

My favorite kind of campus board.

I basically worked until I decided that any more would jeopardize my ability to climb in the foreseeable future. Plus, I'm a sissy girl and I don't like it when my skin is on fire. There. I said it.

THE RECKONING

The time has come for the readers of this blarg (I have those, right?) to share their goals for the summer.

This is . . . THE RECKONING.

Leave a comment on this post. Your comment should detail your goal for the summer. Improvement in roped climbing counts! It's all rock climbing anyway, right?

Remember: ideally, your goal is to climb one grade harder than you have climbed so far this year. We're trying to show solid improvement. Don't sandbag yourself!

I will collect the comments and post everyone's goals together. When there is news to report, it shall be reported.

If you go climbing, and I'm not there, and you crush your projects, I'd like you to send me some awesome pictures so I can document your send with authority. I have set up an email address for this very purpose.

Send your radness to: summerofstrong@gmail.com

Let's do this, people!

It's Dark and Haycock is Hot

When you write a professional climbing blarg (like I do), sometimes you have to endure conditions that no (relatively) sane person would consider acceptable. You know, like getting up at 5:30 AM. Also, bees. Lots and lots of bees. I'm just putting this out there, bees: I am not a pretty flower. In fact, I'm not any sort of flower.

But, it was probably worth it!

As mentioned in the previous episode, Miss Lady and I got up ins Haycock (affectionately referred to as "The 'Cock") on Thursday. We expected resistance in the form of X-TREMEly hot rocks, as well as a literal barrier of foliage. We went 1 for 2 in that regard. The foliage was there, but the day was actually not like walking straight into the Devil's kitchen.

However, we did have to cross a river to get up ins!

You have come to a river. Will you attempt to ford the river?

> Y

You attempt to ford the river. Your wagon overturns! You lose two oxen and 400 pounds of food.
You have died of dysentery.

Our adventure also marked the first use of my new crash pad! It is tres delicieux, oui? I think that one of those colors might be cerulean. No off-mauve, though.

Soooo . . . you're gonna sponsor me now, right, guys? . . . Guys?

Much of Haycock's climbing involves very few footholds. Haycock is what you would call a friction area. Usually, with higher temps, climbing at Haycock is very difficult.

Pretend this V2 is actually V8.

Miss Lady, however, said "non-ideal conditions be damned," and decided to crush anyway. I don't think I had ever heard her yell on a boulder problem before, but there's a first time for everything THAT IS AWESOME.

This is what you call "getting big."

Eventually, whether it was from lack of sleep or lack of caffeine, I started losing my mind. Upon the Philadelphia Flyers' valiant victory over the Montreal Canadiens a few days ago, Captain Roommate texted me these two words: Meatreal Clownadiens. I think I started yelling "Meatreal Clownadiens" in the moment depicted in this photo, but it's all a blur.
At least, that's the excuse I'm going with here

It's okay, the doctor told me this would be temporary . . .

And there you have it.

NEW SENDS LIST:

Miss Lady:

• Bubblegum, V3
• Unnamed, V2

Me:

• NOTHING

I'm not jealous or anything, though. I guess.

As I Walk Through the Valley of the Shadow of Good Boulder Problems

Last night, Miss Lady and I decided to patronise (fancy spelling -- this is a high-class blog) PRG's Valley location for a bit of the ol' plastic pullin'. And pull plastic we did. One might say that Valley is a Cranksta's Paradise. Miss Lady had not climbed for eight days, so she was dissatisfied with her performance (she did fine). I, however, felt stronger than I had in two months. In layman's terms, I got big.


One of the highlights of Valley is its simple campus board: nine wooden rungs, evenly spaced, each rung one pad deep. Classic-style campusing, using might-building techniques from the days of yore.

A few weeks ago, I had read a few postings on a website which contains quite a bit of training information. I especially liked this section, all about various exercises you should perform when campusing. I had never really done the triceps pushes that he describes; they are full of ferocity. My shoulders are now officially worked. If you can get past the somewhat stilted anglais (this blog is classy and multicultural), there are some solid tips here to help you out.


Tomorrow, Miss Lady and I take a fantastic voyage to the molten rock of Haycock Mountain. Hopefully we won't get struck by lightning or turned to ash by the sheer heat of the boulders. They might be TOO HOT. Uh . . . wish us luck?


Quick summary:

• Campus training! Click those links!
• Bouldering at Valley is fun!
• DELTOIDS DESTROYED
• Haycock tomorrow

A billion bonus points if you got the Coolio references up there; zero if you're just realizing it now -- BE HONEST

Under Construction

There will probably be a lot of changes to the layout of the blog in the weeks to come. I'll settle on something eventually, but don't be alarmed if stuff is jumping all over the place.


Desires:

• A great header for the site

• The best colors with which to impress even the most demanding of interior decorators ("SoS is SOOOO good at color matching -- I like the way the cerulean drapes highlight this slightly off-mauve couch")

• HTML science power magic
  

• Your climbing pictures -- especially if they are of you crushing your latest and greatest project

• A pony . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . with buzzsaws for hooves and a mane of fire

Welcome to the Summer of Strong.

People, this is big. You are getting big. You didn't know it before you read this sentence, but you started getting big the moment you came to this blog.

You will be SO big.

This summer was given to us for the purpose of getting strong. So that's what we're going to do.

"But Derek, summer's sooooo hot . . . !"

CAN IT. Yeah, sometimes on the Right Coast it seems like your body meat is being boiled when you walk to the supermarket or whatever you do in your daily life. Yeah, any day in July it's so humid it's like a swim meet when you're crossing the street. Forget that noise, because we're getting strong.


Here is the plan:

EVERYONE increases their climbing prowess by at least one V-grade, or NO ONE gets candy!

What does that mean? To me, it means that you have to climb at least one problem (outside, of course) that is at least one grade harder than the hardest problem you've climbed so far this year. For example: I've climbed two V8s this year, so I need to climb at least one V9 before summer ends.

"But Derek, I've never bouldered outside before!" If this is the case, then you need to get up ins. All I require from you is that you complete a boulder problem outside.

If I fail in my quest, no one gets candy. If you fail in your quest, no one gets candy. We get big as a team, we eat candy as a team. If everyone increases their might by one V-grade, I will hand-deliver candy to everyone. I pledge this.

Get big. Eat candy. Summer of Strong.