Some of you may know that this blarg has pretty much adopted the Třebíč Nuclears as our official Czech Republic baseball team. After all, we use the Nuclears' scoreboard to keep track of The Great Pull-Up War.
However, there is now a challenger to the throne: the Cannibals, hailing from Šumperk. First of all, naming your baseball team after people who feast on human flesh takes some serious moxie. Second, look at this freaking hat!
Tell me you wouldn't wear a hat with that logo. Go ahead. Try. I'll give you some time.
Did you fail? Of course you did. You cannot make that statement.
I want to buy this hat. I have tried to find out approximately how much it will cost to send this hat from the Czech Republic to my house. Sadly, my research tells me that it will cost two hundred American dollars! This can't be right, can it? The hat itself costs about $7.20! I'm going to email the person in charge of the shop to find out what I can do. Google Translate is my friend!
In actual climbing news, Miss Lady and I are going to take a little trip this weekend. It's going to be completely awesome. All the details when we return.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Great Pull-Up War: 2nd Inning
2nd Inning Rules:
- Time Limit: 2 minutes
- Attempt Limit: 3 attempts
- Hold: 45° Slopers
- Competitors in isolation
As you can see from the scoreboard above, my prediction at the end of the last Great Pull-Up War post was entirely accurate. OGDV trounced me rather soundly this round.
We agreed to attempt to do all our pulls on the 45° angle slopers; this turned out to be a tactical mistake on my part. I was unable to get any sort of rhythm going, as I was constantly fighting just to stay on the holds.
A simple task, this ain't.
OGDV, however, took to the slopers rather nicely. Compared to my measly FOUR on my first attempt, my rival managed to crank out a ridiculous NINETEEN. How he managed to do that many without sliding from those slick monstrosities is a question for the ages. He got downright animalistic on those holds.
What you see here is a creature of pure friction.
The most worrying thing about this inning is that it saw my lead of three transform into a hideous deficit of eight. I'm going to have to work extra hard over the next seven weeks to catch up.
Ladies and gentlemen, your 2nd Inning winner, the mighty OGDV! Here he is seen in his natural habitat, dominating punk suckas and clowns for miles around (and even downtown):
OH, OGDV. LITTLE DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE DRAGON.
The most worrying thing about this inning is that it saw my lead of three transform into a hideous deficit of eight. I'm going to have to work extra hard over the next seven weeks to catch up.
Ladies and gentlemen, your 2nd Inning winner, the mighty OGDV! Here he is seen in his natural habitat, dominating punk suckas and clowns for miles around (and even downtown):
Shh . . . he's centering his chakras. Or something.
OH, OGDV. LITTLE DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AWOKEN THE DRAGON.
Photo credits:
- Baseball scoreboard (before I altered it): Jiří Sedláček
- Competition photos: Danielle Vennard a.k.a. Ziggy Smalls
Thursday, June 24, 2010
THE RECKONING: Update!
So, it turns out someone got big recently!
Hero has completed one of his goals for this season: Climb Soulshine (V10) at Tramway! Tramway is seriously the best place to climb. So rad. Now that he's completely stomping faces again, I'm sure that V11 is starting to come into view.
Congratulations!
Also, I'd like to welcome two more intrepid souls into the fold! Greetings, Sandmaster Flash and Lil' Miss Thunderbolt! Pull hard and get big!
(Updated) Goals for the Summer of Strong:
OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE TEEG: V4 (The Lorax)
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead, V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero:V10 ✔/V11 (Soulshine ✔, Year of the Cat, TBD)
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR, HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Sandmaster Flash: 5.9/5.10 trad (Escape Artist), 5.11 sport, boulder something hard
Lil' Miss Thunderbolt: V3, sport outside
Me: V9
As per usual, if you don't see yourself up in that list (or you just don't know who in the world you are among all those ridiculous nicknames), comment and I'll add you or clarify who you are.
Hero has completed one of his goals for this season: Climb Soulshine (V10) at Tramway! Tramway is seriously the best place to climb. So rad. Now that he's completely stomping faces again, I'm sure that V11 is starting to come into view.
Congratulations!
Also, I'd like to welcome two more intrepid souls into the fold! Greetings, Sandmaster Flash and Lil' Miss Thunderbolt! Pull hard and get big!
(Updated) Goals for the Summer of Strong:
OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE TEEG: V4 (The Lorax)
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead, V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero:
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR, HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Sandmaster Flash: 5.9/5.10 trad (Escape Artist), 5.11 sport, boulder something hard
Lil' Miss Thunderbolt: V3, sport outside
Me: V9
As per usual, if you don't see yourself up in that list (or you just don't know who in the world you are among all those ridiculous nicknames), comment and I'll add you or clarify who you are.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
OMG OMG IT'S THE SECOND DAY OF SUMMER
GO GET BIG EVERYONE HOLY CRUDBUMP
There are only like ninety-four days left!
There are only like ninety-four days left!
Monday, June 21, 2010
The Grunx, Land of Mystic Beasts and Hidden Magicks
The Grunx. A region shrouded in mystery, where turning dragons do battle with wicked gods ensconced within ancient temples. The Buddha watches, unconcerned; more amusing are the pilgrims attempting to master the Art of Nothing (for how could one master such an art?). Will they find enlightenment? *
Miss Lady and I arrived in The Grunx early in the morning, and immediately began to make our way down the long road to our destiny. After warming up briefly, Miss Lady decided to attempt the Gill Egg (V4). Previous attempts had not been all that successful, but Miss Lady has been working hard, and she made progress on this day. She is now within a few inches of sticking the dyno. An attempt on the Gill Pinch Roof (V4) was thwarted due to the fact that the sun was directly overhead and looking up at the jug ledge was an exercise in pain.
From there, we made our way down to The Dragon Turns (V9). It was my turn to try to climb a hard boulder problem, but I can't say I made progress here. I still can't do the first move. A few attempts at that and it was time for lunch. We were joined by a wee chipmunk who decided to say hello; it was his lunchtime as well, so we ate as we stared at him and he stared at us. He was feisty, and not all that afraid of humans.
After lunch, it was time to attempt the Enlightened Buddha (V9). The boulder which houses the Enlightened Buddha has two other Buddha problems: the Buddha (V6) and the Illustrious Buddha (V8). I have done both of those problems, but the Enlightened version escapes me. I am now closer to the end than I ever have been, but close to the end is not enough for candy. Miss Lady was able to do the first move on the Buddha, which is quite a feat considering that last time we were in The Grunx she was unable to even get on the problem.
On the same boulder as the Buddha problems resides the Andrew Boulder Problem (V4). This is another project of Miss Lady's and, following the theme of the day, saw her making significant progress. She is two or three moves from the finish, which is about two or three moves farther than she has ever gone. From there it was on to Baby Hole (V3). Another Miss Lady project, this one did not see significant progress. If she makes the move she's stuck on, though, she will send. It is guaranteed.
Wreathed in acrid smoke, the Temple of Jahboo is a den of stinking evil. It was there that I did battle with one of the most mind-boggling problems I've been on in some time: Jahboo (V9). To send, one must enter the Temple and climb out, over treacherous talus knife blades, through the roof and over the top of the Temple itself. The talus knife blades quickly claimed skin from my back, as I fell in a spot unprotected by crash pads. Undaunted, I continued to attempt to escape the dark lord Jahboo's clammy grip, but my power was insufficient for the task. After he mercilessly toyed with me, he allowed me to slink off, beaten like a mangy dog.
Exhausted, we fled The Grunx, stopping only to devour dinner as we looked out over shining towns in the distance. We will return, more powerful, hopefully strong enough to put these gods and creatures to rest.
* Of course, this entire post is about the Shawangunk Mountains in New York, also known as The Gunks. There is a lot of awesome bouldering here. Sorry for no pictures, but it was just the two of us and we each spent most of the day spotting the other.
Miss Lady and I arrived in The Grunx early in the morning, and immediately began to make our way down the long road to our destiny. After warming up briefly, Miss Lady decided to attempt the Gill Egg (V4). Previous attempts had not been all that successful, but Miss Lady has been working hard, and she made progress on this day. She is now within a few inches of sticking the dyno. An attempt on the Gill Pinch Roof (V4) was thwarted due to the fact that the sun was directly overhead and looking up at the jug ledge was an exercise in pain.
From there, we made our way down to The Dragon Turns (V9). It was my turn to try to climb a hard boulder problem, but I can't say I made progress here. I still can't do the first move. A few attempts at that and it was time for lunch. We were joined by a wee chipmunk who decided to say hello; it was his lunchtime as well, so we ate as we stared at him and he stared at us. He was feisty, and not all that afraid of humans.
After lunch, it was time to attempt the Enlightened Buddha (V9). The boulder which houses the Enlightened Buddha has two other Buddha problems: the Buddha (V6) and the Illustrious Buddha (V8). I have done both of those problems, but the Enlightened version escapes me. I am now closer to the end than I ever have been, but close to the end is not enough for candy. Miss Lady was able to do the first move on the Buddha, which is quite a feat considering that last time we were in The Grunx she was unable to even get on the problem.
On the same boulder as the Buddha problems resides the Andrew Boulder Problem (V4). This is another project of Miss Lady's and, following the theme of the day, saw her making significant progress. She is two or three moves from the finish, which is about two or three moves farther than she has ever gone. From there it was on to Baby Hole (V3). Another Miss Lady project, this one did not see significant progress. If she makes the move she's stuck on, though, she will send. It is guaranteed.
Wreathed in acrid smoke, the Temple of Jahboo is a den of stinking evil. It was there that I did battle with one of the most mind-boggling problems I've been on in some time: Jahboo (V9). To send, one must enter the Temple and climb out, over treacherous talus knife blades, through the roof and over the top of the Temple itself. The talus knife blades quickly claimed skin from my back, as I fell in a spot unprotected by crash pads. Undaunted, I continued to attempt to escape the dark lord Jahboo's clammy grip, but my power was insufficient for the task. After he mercilessly toyed with me, he allowed me to slink off, beaten like a mangy dog.
Exhausted, we fled The Grunx, stopping only to devour dinner as we looked out over shining towns in the distance. We will return, more powerful, hopefully strong enough to put these gods and creatures to rest.
* Of course, this entire post is about the Shawangunk Mountains in New York, also known as The Gunks. There is a lot of awesome bouldering here. Sorry for no pictures, but it was just the two of us and we each spent most of the day spotting the other.
Labels:
A Den of Stinking Evil,
Miss Lady,
The Grunx
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The Great Pull-Up War: 1st Inning
The Great Pull-Up War
Nine Weeks
Nine Innings
Nine Contests
One Winner
OGDV threw this challenge at me like a 98-mph brushback fastball: to compete each week in various feats of strength involving that most excellent of exercises, the pull-up. What type of blarg would this have become had I not accepted? The type of blarg that I would not be proud to author, that's what type. And so, it was utterly on.
The Great Pull-Up War is simple. Each week, we decide on a task. The task may be to do as many pull-ups as possible in one attempt, or it may be to do as many as possible within a time limit or a number of attempts. The task may involve several different types of holds on a hangboard, or just crankin' on some jugs. However one slices it, it involves a metric hyper-ton of pull-ups.
And so, without further ado:
1st Inning Rules:
- Time Limit: 2 minutes
- Attempt Limit: 3 attempts
- Hold: Jugs
- Competitors in isolation
To be in isolation is to be unaware of one's opponent's performance.
The event began with a coin flip. I called the coin flip correctly, and I decided to be the first man on the hangboard. Although the attempt limit was three for this inning, I had already decided that I would only touch the hangboard twice. My plan was to do almost as many as I possibly could on the first attempt; then, I would rest until 30 seconds remained and try to bang out as many as I could in that time.
Six hundred seve . . . PSYCH! Uh . . . One
I had done at least twenty before I dropped from the hangboard. I figured that with approximately one minute of rest, I could probably complete a good number more. Unfortunately, my body had other ideas! My second attempt was not nearly as strong, and so I left the arena with some trepidation. I knew that OGDV would bring the pain, hardcore, to the brain.
OGDV had decided that he would use all three of his attempts. Would this strategy make him the victor? Well, observant readers (by "observant" I mean, "readers with eyes connected to their brains") have already seen the scoreboard at the top of the post. So, out with the poorly constructed suspense!
One of these days, he's gonna bite that lip clean off.
In the end, not even the cutest spectator ever could spur OGDV to victory.
Put me up there, Dad. Let me show you how it's done.
The agony of defeat.
Of course, I'm not going to gloat or anything. The score was way too close for that. I have a feeling that OGDV is going to get up ins next time with a vengeance.
I'll leave you with these images from the card the victor received:
Photo credits:
- Baseball scoreboard (before I altered it): Jiří Sedláček
- Competition photos: Danielle Vennard a.k.a. Ziggy Smalls
Special thanks to Ziggy Smalls for the card!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Return
We're back, bitches.
And we're better than ever.
I would rather not have left you without a dope beat to step to, but when a computer goes, there's not a lot that can be done. She was a fine compatriot for several years, but the time has come to send this little valkyrie to Computer Valhalla.
Hún var stolt mitt og skemmtan.
Thanks for sticking out this tough period. I hope you've continued to get big, because I've been training hard in the interim. See you on the rocks.
There is much to discuss! Unfortunately, it'll have to wait at least until I get home from climbing tonight.
In the near future:
In the near future:
- The Great Pull-Up War
- Training Routines: Get small to get big
- More ridiculous images
Thanks for sticking out this tough period. I hope you've continued to get big, because I've been training hard in the interim. See you on the rocks.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Pining for the Fjords
Soooo . . . you may have noticed that this blarg hasn't updated in a few days. That is because my computer has gone kablooey. The plan is to send it to Computer Valhalla, but I gotta find a viking ship first. And fjords. I may have to pine for them.
I'll probably be updating sporadically for the next week or so until I find a permanent solution to this wee problemo. However, once it IS solved, it's gonna be ON. We have to ratchet up the intensity on this climbing blarg, and it's about time that the business got big.
Not a lot of climbing news to report. Still training. Doing 4x4s at my home turf, the DRG. Lots more core training is needed. Will explain all in more detail in a later post. Ran out of complete sentences. Must. Order. More.
Feeling stronger.
I'll probably be updating sporadically for the next week or so until I find a permanent solution to this wee problemo. However, once it IS solved, it's gonna be ON. We have to ratchet up the intensity on this climbing blarg, and it's about time that the business got big.
Not a lot of climbing news to report. Still training. Doing 4x4s at my home turf, the DRG. Lots more core training is needed. Will explain all in more detail in a later post. Ran out of complete sentences. Must. Order. More.
Feeling stronger.
Labels:
Fjords,
KABLOOEY,
Lame Excuses,
Weaksauce
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Smithing the Arms, Enmightening the Heart
Yesterday, OGDV and I decided to meet at PRG Valley for a bit of the ol' plastic pullin'. Little did we know that we'd have a special guest! That's right, Drew "The Armsmith" Davis accidentally came to Valley instead of going to Oaks where he was to meet some crazy cats for the crushing. Their loss, however, was our gain! Even mind-numbing techno (usually I'm all like, "TechYES," but this stuff was pretty heinous) could not stop us from being the best. TechNONSENSE.
I didn't exactly feel very strong, and I don't think I climbed all that well, but I spent a good 4 1/2 hours there so I think I got a decent workout. While we were campusing, The Armsmith introduced me to a new exercise authored by none other than Ben Moon, climber extraordinaire. I'm gonna check out the 'net and see if I can grab some of that sweet science for you suckas.
OGDV sent me this sweet picture* in which he attempts to crush The Path (V9/10). I know we talk about plastic pullin' a lot up in this piece, but let this be a reminder as to where the truth lies: out in the wild, with bugs and stuff. Get hungry, 'cause soon it's gonna be time to EAT! Not bugs, though. Most of them taste bad.
I didn't exactly feel very strong, and I don't think I climbed all that well, but I spent a good 4 1/2 hours there so I think I got a decent workout. While we were campusing, The Armsmith introduced me to a new exercise authored by none other than Ben Moon, climber extraordinaire. I'm gonna check out the 'net and see if I can grab some of that sweet science for you suckas.
OGDV sent me this sweet picture* in which he attempts to crush The Path (V9/10). I know we talk about plastic pullin' a lot up in this piece, but let this be a reminder as to where the truth lies: out in the wild, with bugs and stuff. Get hungry, 'cause soon it's gonna be time to EAT! Not bugs, though. Most of them taste bad.
Stop drooling. It's unbecoming.
In other news, Captain Roommate decided that he was going to get into shape over the summer. Plaudits all around. He bought a scale, and it is fancy: the thing purports to tell you your body fat percentage! Well, I got on it and . . . let's just say that I was severely disappointed with myself. It is time to lose weight! Recently, @ gave me an outline for a calisthenics workout, and it is wrecking my face. I'll be doing that around three times a week and I'll be running and riding the stationary bike. It is going to be a long way to victory, but when candy is at stake, hell hath no fury like a hungry dude.
*Photo credit: Danielle Vennard
Labels:
AT,
Campus,
Captain Roommate,
Cardio,
OGDV,
Plastic pullin',
The Armsmith
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
THE RECKONING: Goals Edition
The goals have been collected. These intrepid souls have chosen their fates. Will we be relegated to the dustbin of history? Or will we prosper, our new-found strength a beacon lighting a future defined by our bigness?
Goals for the Summer of Strong:
OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE TEEG: V4 (The Lorax)
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead / V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero: V10/11 (Soulshine, Year of the Cat, TBD)
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR, HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Me: V9
What must be done has been decided. If, however, you would like to add your name to this illustrious roll, you need not do more than leave a comment. Your name and intended feat of strength shall be added to yon list up ins this piece.
It is time to train.
Goals for the Summer of Strong:
OGDV: V9/10 (Jahboo, The Path)
@: V5/6 (Marrakesh Express)
Excellence Czar: V7/8 (Tiger Style, Jackson Pollock)
THE TEEG: V4 (The Lorax)
Ziggy Smalls: 5.10 lead / V4 boulder
Raygun: V4
Miss Lady: V4
Hero: V10/11 (Soulshine, Year of the Cat, TBD)
Steppin' Razor: 5.10 sport, 5.10b TR, HIGH EXPOSURE trad
Powerhawk: Climb outside
The Armsmith: V10/11 or escape earth's orbit by becoming a creature of pure pulling mania
Sparkles Von Sunbeam: V3
Me: V9
What must be done has been decided. If, however, you would like to add your name to this illustrious roll, you need not do more than leave a comment. Your name and intended feat of strength shall be added to yon list up ins this piece.
It is time to train.
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